You'll Never Understand
by Beboots
Summary: Sequel to 'New Mutant Detected! . . .No OC, Slightly AU. Kurt has been having nightmares of past experiences, and after a bad day, ends up saying something he regrets. . .
1. You'll Never Understand

You'll Never Understand

~Okay. . .The sorta-awaited sequel of 'New Mutant Detected'! *half-hearted cheering* I just want to mention that this one takes place at the institute, sorta A/U. . .Lets just say that the world knows of mutants (they have rights), but mutants are still pretty prejudiced against. The school knows that Kurt's a teleporter, but doesn't know of his 'true' self.~ 

Disclaimer: As always, if I owned it, it wouldn't be here. . . It'd probably be on TV, as I've said. *rolls eyes*

[this] is German

'this' is thought

*** *** ***

_Smoke, rising, framing a writhing blue figure._

_Flames, licking the figure's oddly-shaped feet._

_A crowd, shouting in German._

_"[Demon!]"_

_"[Hell-spawn!]"_

_"[Go back from whence you came!]"_

_"[Devil!]"_

_"[Demon!]"_

_The smell of burning fur. . ._

_A small voice. . ._

_"[. . .I'm not a demon. . .]"_

_{**BAMF**!}_

"Ich bin kein Dämon!" Kurt Wagner shouted as he sat bolt upright in his bed. The early morning sun, just rising, peeked into the room through a small crack in the window drapes.

The young mutant panted quietly as he sat in his bed, thinking.

Scheiße.

It was happening again.

The nightmares. . .No. . . Memories.

He guessed it was because of the entire 'mutie-baiting' thing, going on at school.

Yes, it even had a name.

. . .Yet no-one tried to stop it.

Before they were revealed, he was Kurt Wagner, weird German exchange student. 

Now, he didn't have a name. He was either 'freak', 'mutie', 'teleporting-freak', or 'teleporting-mutie'. Even some of the _teachers_ called him that. 

Thank Gott it was only _some_.

. . .Thank Gott it was only 'teleporting', not 'demon', 'devil'. . .

The young man sighed. He had to go to school today. Nobody at the school, at least not the norms, really cared for the feelings of the 'teleporting-mutie', though, there was at least one good thing about the situation. . .

At least they weren't being burnt at the stake.

Kurt Wagner slid out of his bed and got ready for another school day.

*** *** ***

He'd made it though the day.

Barely.

His morning had been consisted of various 'accidents', arranged by the more popular teens of the school, aswell as his regular classes.

Before the first three periods, he'd already been sprayed by mud by a passing convertible, withstood in silence many kinds of verbal abuse that was illegal in many other places, been hit by various backpacks, books, and purses more times than he cared to count. . . he'd even been shoved into a locker at one point, but Lance had freed him before the jocks could lock it.

Yes, Lance. 

Sure, he was Brotherhood, but all unanimities had been dropped, at least for now. 

They were all mutie-freaks together.

At least he didn't have to worry about his locker being slimed by Todd every other day.

His English class had been the worst, though. It was the sole class in which he didn't share with another X-man. The teacher was a mutie-hater; he seemed to enjoy singling out Kurt for his bad grammar.

What did he expect? He'd only learnt English two years ago. . . Wasn't it enough to be fluent in four other languages?

The teacher had given him an extra essay, on top of the other essay that the rest of the class had to do aswell.

Both were do the next day.

. . . Isn't the life of a teleporting-freak fun?

At least he was 'home', now. . .

After a short Danger Room session, he was free to do his homework with the others, in the wreck room.

It was an almost tradition for the X-men to assemble in the main room and do homework together; mainly because they could almost always find somebody else to do it, better, for them.

Many of them regularly came to him for 'help' with their German homework, 'help' that usually ended up with him doing it all for them.

Now, he was sore from the whole school day, sporting several bruises from the Danger Room session, he had the beginnings of a headache, and now he looked forward to an evening of doing other people's German homework for them, on top of the two essays he already had.

Huzzah.

"So now they're like, totally not speaking to me! I mean, Trish even gave me back that totally cute blue blouse we bought together last month!"

Kurt ground his sharp teeth together against the sound of Kitty's babbling. The inklings of a headache he'd had after the Danger Room session had now grown into a full-blown migraine. Her current tirade was something about one of her friends 'not liking her anymore', and had gone on for the last fifteen minutes, steadily breaking down Kurt's patience.

At least she still _had_ normal friends.

"She even like, ripped off half the buttons! I mean, talk about rude. . ."

He finally spoke up.

"Kätzchen?" he said slowly though still-clenched fangs. "Shut. Up."

She stopped mid-totally. 

"Like, what? This is like, totally important, Kurt!"

He fought the urge to roll his eyes.

"Please don't talk of such things like the world is coming down around your ears, Kätzchen. You don't even know the meaning of prejudice."

"Oh, and like, you do? I'm like, a mutant too, you know."

Kurt snorted. "You talk of one of your friends ripping up an article of clothing. It could be far, far worse.

Kitty glared at him. "Like what?"

A pause. His eye twitched.

"Have you ever been chased, Kätzchen?"

"Chased? Like, what do you mean?"

"Chased. Chased by a mob of pitch-fork wielding peasants?" By this time, the entire room was quiet. Nobody else spoke.

"Have you ever been chased. . .for so long, you feel like your heart would burst? And you become so tired you feel like you have been running forever, but you know you cannot stop, because if you do, you will be killed and mounted like a wild boar?

"Have you ever been beaten, been tied to a stake? Been burnt until the flesh of your feet has begun to smell like a cooking steak, and you are helpless but to writhe in your own misery? And all _they_ do is watch? Watch you suffer? Listen to your cries of pain? _That_ is prejudice, Kätzchen. They shout out cruel words, watch the fur of your feet turn black and curl before their very eyes. . ."

He stopped his rant suddenly, and his head caught up with what he had said. 

All of the X-men were staring at him, open mouthed.

"Scheiße." He muttered.

{**_BAMF_**!} 

Kurt was gone.

". . . What was that, like, all about?"

They knew.

They all knew. . . His one secret. . .Well, one of his secrets. 

He hadn't wanted anybody to know. . . They wouldn't understand. . . They _won't_ understand. . .

He was perched on the roof of the institute, his long toes curled around the edge of the gutter, just staring out into the darkening sky.

The sun had gone down just minutes earlier.

Kurt just looked to the sky as small stars appeared.

At least that never changed. . . The sun always rose, the sun always set. . . The stars always came, and even though they were different from the ones at home, they were still stars. 

. . .Just like he was still human. . . different, but still human.

. . .Wasn't he?

"You're human."

He turned at the voice.

Jean.

She'd just floated up here, probably to talk to him. 

. . .Of course.

"You're just as human as the rest of us, Kurt. You needn't be ashamed."

His eyes narrowed. 

"I'm not ashamed!" he spat, then sighed. "I'm scared."

"Scared of what?"

". . . You wouldn't understand."

"I'm a telepath. I can understand everything."

He snorted. "There are some things that even _you,_ a powerful telepath, should never _have_ to understand. Never should. . .Don't even try. . .Please?"

"Kurt, we'd understand, if you'd just tell us."

The teleporter stiffened, but said nothing.

"We know what you're going though."

"Gone though. And no, you don't."

A sigh. 

"You'll never understand."

{**_BAMF_**!}

And there was only smoke to keep Jean company as she stared into the darkening sky. It was then that she realized, _really_ realized, that there was much more to Kurt Wagner than anybody would have thought. He wasn't just a jokester, somebody that helped them with their German homework, somebody to that could bring them anywhere in the blink of an eye. He wasn't just a fuzzy blue elf. He had his own dark past, too.

Kurt was right.

She'll never understand. 

*** *** ***

Translations:

Ich bin kein Dämon: I am not a demon.

Scheiße: Shit (*gasps* Censor! This is PG material here! O_O)

Gott: God

Kätzchen: Kitten

*** *** ***

  
~Man, this fic was pretty. . . descriptive, in a disturbing kind of way. . . o_O What do you think? R'n'R! ^^ ~


	2. Gone Through

~I finally got around to continuing this fic! Yay! ^^ I've had the first half-page kicking around in my My Documents for nearly a month now, but I've finally finnished it off! Now, Danfred's been trying to kick me off for the last half an hour. ("Only five more minutes, I'm on a roll, here!"), so I'd better let her on. . .~

Gone Through 

"Gone through. And no, you don't."

A sigh.

"You'll never understand."

{BAMF!}

Kurt reappeared in his bedroom, hanging upside-down by his tail from the chandeleir that seemed to have been installed for just that purpose. At least he had a small amount of privacy here, in his room.

His position, upside-down, would have been uncomfortable to most, but not to him. The blood rushing to his head helped him think, focus his thoughts, or just relax.

Or try to forget.

He was alone. . . 

Kurt folded himself into a sitting position, still hanging upside-down. The young mutant found meditation always helped ease some tension, when his thoughts threatened to overwhelm him. He banished all thoughts from his mind as he slowly drew in a breath, held it, then let it go. He soon fell into the practiced breathing patterns.

He was calm. At peace. His worries were gone, for the moment.

A lone thought flitted across his mind.

'...bliss...'

KNOCK KNOCK!

"Kurt, are you like, in there?"

...That was a very short moment.

He didn't even bother opening his eyes. 

"What do you want, Kätzchen?"

There was the faint {**Shrrrroom**} sound that always accompanied Kitty's phasing, and Kurt knew that she had entered in her own unique way. 

"Woah, like, isn't that uncomfortable?"

Kurt sighed, and repeated, "What do you want, Kätzchen?"

"I just wanted to. . .Y'know, talk." 

A faint {**cr-creak**} as Kitty sat down on his bed.

Silence.

An awkward one, but not a silence that Kurt was about to break anytime soon.

"So. . .Uh. . . What was all that 'chase' stuff, like, about?"

Kurt sighed again.

"How did your power developpe, Kitty?" 

"Uh. . . I was like, sleeping, and I had a nightmare, and I like, totally fell through my bed, all the way into the like, basement. . .Why?" 

Kurt ran a three-fingered hand across his face.

"My first teleport was much more. . . traumatic, to say the least, Kätzchen."

"What, some villiagers went medival on you, and like, burnt you at the stake?"

". . .Ja."

"Excuse me?" 

"Ja. . . I was burnt at the stake, okay?" His voice cracked. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm already having enough nightmares about it, without bringing it up again, ja?"

". . .Are you like, serious?"

"We've already established that, Kätzchen. Just. . . Leave me alone."

There was silence. For a moment, Kurt actually thought Kitty had left.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nein."

"Why not?"

Tears pooled behind his closed eyelids as a memory resurfaced.

_"[Demon!]"_

_"[Hell-spawn!]"_

_"[Go back from wence you came!]"_

_"[Devil!]"_

_"[Demon!]"_

"Ich bin kein Dämon!" He sobbed.

"I need English, here, fuzzy. . ."

"Ich bin kein Dämon. . ." Kurt moaned, repeating the sentence over and over in a quiet voice. 

Kitty was more than a little freaked, now. She'd come to speak with Kurt (mainly because the others had glared at her to do it), and try to figure out what was wrong. 'How can I do this? I mean, if Miss _Perfect_ can't. . .' When she'd come in, Kurt was hanging by his chandelier by his tail. That position was freaky in itself, but now he was in a tiny curled ball, moaning something that was obviously german, but. . . She had no real clue of what it was. 

He kept repeating himself, though. . . and that last word sounded suspiciously like 'demon'. She could guess what it meant, with a little certainty.

The implications of his side of their short conversation, though. . . That was what boggled her mind. Kurt had been. . . _burnt_ at the _stake_?

. . .Well, that'd explain why he's like, upset. . .

The Fuzzy-dude, who helped the others with their German homework, who always seemed to shrug off the 'mutie-baiting' at school with so much ease, the only guy who could participate in Logan's early morning training sessions with a degree of consiousness, had been nearly killed? Because he looked like a demon?!

She couldn't really grasp the concept. 

". . .Omygod. . . I'm so sorry, fuzzy. . ." And with a faint {**Shrrrroom**}, Kurt was once again alone.

Kurt tried to calm his thoughts, as he had before, but it was much harder, with the memories still in the front of his mind. 

_"[Demon!]"_

_"[Hell-spawn!]"_

Why had it been him? 

. . .That was easy to answer. . .Because there wasn't anyone else that looked like a demon. 

He was alone, like that. . .

Alone in so many ways. . .

He should be used to it, by now. But he wasn't, at least, not yet.

Kurt had sometimes wondered, when he was younger, and had less depressing things to think of, was what he really was. Most of the people that knew him called him an elf. . . He'd even wondered if he would live forever, like the elves in the stories that his mother told him. 

He now knew that that was unlikely, but he still wondered, sometimes. . .

He was alone. . . He'd probably always be alone; seperated, somehow, from his family, different from the X-men, and even all mutantkind. 

He'd experienced the worst, and in his family's case, the best, of humanity. 

He was different. . . Alone.

All alone. . . 

And he probably always would be. 

Because of what he'd gone through, that the others hadn't. 

_The smell of burning fur. . ._

He was alone. . . Different. Always was, and always will be.

Because of what he'd gone through. 


End file.
